Throughout my life I’ve realized how much loyalty means to me. I have grown up watching my parent’s relationship which has been the definition of loyalty. Through thick and thin, I’ve always seen my mom by my dad’s side and my dad by my mom’s side. It created a desire in me to be a loyal daughter, friend and one day a faithful wife. Loyalty became the driving force behind the person I was to become. The word “loyalty” itself is not a bad term, and when used correctly, speaks of the character of a person. It is a true devotion to an individual no matter the circumstances. Loyalty is regarded by God as one of the greatest attributes a human can possess. My desire was to be a loyal person just like the Bible intended me to be, but as always the Devil has a way of taking something good from God and distorting it. Looking back, I can see clearly how he distorted loyalty in my own life.

I began praying to God for a way to get out of this trap.

As a freshman in college, Satan used a person in my life to distort the meaning of loyalty. She was also a freshman who was vibrant and charismatic. I enjoyed being around her and hanging out with her. It got to the point that we really didn’t care to associate with other classmates. We did a lot together, including missing class to go shopping. The funny thing being, I was the only one spending money. At one point, she was even carrying around my debit card and buying what she wanted. You say to yourself, “How could you allow someone to do that?” I knew in my heart that the situation didn’t feel right, but I kept going with it to keep our friendship alive. Having fun outweighed the fact I was going broke. Instead of devoting time to my classes and education, I was loyal to a fault to someone who I had just met. The Devil sidetracked me from the goal that I had of serving God.

I continued my friendship with her because she made me happy, paid attention to me and made me feel like I was “somebody.” Little did I know this was just a tool Satan was using against me. The relationship began to take a toll on my life. In the end, I became discouraged over the fact that I was being used. I began praying to God for a way to get out of this trap. I ended up having my appendix removed. I went back home and she never returned to college. You can call it a coincidence, but I call it an answer to prayer. Needless to say, I was loyal to a fault to someone who had been in my life for just one year.

I wish I could say that this was the only story I had of leaving a relationship feeling like I was a victim. That simply is not the case. Time after time I’ve allowed my decisions to destroy me by allowing people to take advantage of my loyalty. I have let many people tell me who I am, what I should do and what I should be—and I listened. I actually believed that people had a better insight about what my future should be than I did myself. I felt confined to the lightly spoken words of others.

You see, I am loyal to a fault.

When I make a friend, they have me for life. They probably don’t know that, but the fact is, even after they have moved on, I still think about them. Even if we left off on bad terms, I still feel tied to them somehow. I’m really drawn to people and I love meeting new people. When you are devoted to loyalty, you put other people’s needs and desires ahead of your own. As good as that may sound, it’s not what God intended loyalty to be. God wants loyalty, but the Devil wants loyalty to a fault.

While others had moved on with their lives doing what God gave them the ability to do, I was left behind, feeling trapped and trying to figure out who I was, and what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I couldn’t make a move, even if I felt in my heart that God was leading me to do something. I was paralyzed by the fear of making a wrong choice based upon the opinions of others. I should have been looking to my Savior to direct me, because looking to others damaged my self esteem. I based my validation on the opinion of others.. I put so much faith in those relationships, when someone stumbled or no longer wanted to stay on the right path, it caused me to question my own path.

Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:21

I do believe that every person we come across shapes and forms our life for the better. Either the relationship thrives or we learn our lesson! My ultimate goal is to be like Him, because He is the One I want to make happy. You can never go wrong being loyal to Jesus. He is the only One who can give you true happiness.

Other things I learned

• Set boundaries
• It’s okay to disagree
• Only I know God’s will for my life
• I can have an opinion
• It’s impossible to please everyone
• Validation only comes through Christ

Decisions become easier, when your will to please God outweighs your will to please others

One final thing I have learned from my past is that I need to be fiercely loyal to myself. Many people will look at that phrase in disgust, but I’m not telling you to be selfish or only think of yourself. What I am saying is that I can’t be of use to anyone until I’m a help to myself. I’ve been through this cycle so many times hoping for different results. I have come to realize that if I want to make an impact on this world I must first change myself.

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price:  therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Taking care of your body, your wellness, and your emotions is not selfish. Why? Because when you take care of yourself, you are taking care of the temple of the Holy Spirit. God has granted you the job of self care for His sake. You are a tool of the Holy Ghost that can be used for His will. But if you damage that tool by being loyal to a fault and running yourself into the ground for the sake of others, then God cannot use you effectively. You cannot help others, if you don’t feed yourself spiritually, mentally and physically. By being loyal to yourself, you are in essence being loyal to God. Who do you want to be loyal to?